Just wanted to say you come off as very classy here. :)

Thanks for the great comment and story. I’ve heard similar anecdotes many times, across industries and up and down the food chain.

Great suggestion, too — a book for teens has been a fun dream idea of mine for awhile!

Best,
Susan

That is an exceptionally powerful sentence.

I’ve negotiated for years working my way up from a “new to the industry” production assistant to successful producer. In many ways the film business does not experience the gender gap that other industries do. Freelancers have “day rates” and there is a minor variable based on the project budget, not the professional’s gender. I’ve talked down major studio vendors to give up to 80% discounts on rack rates and I’ve negotiated high figure overages from advertising agencies when necessary to the project.

Imagine my surprise to find myself completely stymied in asking for a well-deserved raise when I found myself at a full-time position at an event production company! How could this be happening to me? Where is my courage? Where is my self-esteem? This is not who I am!

That I worked in a heavily male-dominated department with an “old boy’s” network style of communicating had never been a problem before. And yet there I was, fumbling for the right words, grabbing what moments I could steal to speak with my immediate boss (VP and principal of the company). What was up with that?!

It’s simple and sad all at once and you hit it on the nail: I never had to negotiate *for myself*, let alone in a foreign 9-5, corporate culture! I found myself overcome with negative self-talk and buying into endless assumptions that served no purpose but to hold me back. That my colleagues and boss were only too happy to continue those assumptions is beside the point – I needed to believe in myself first then practice the very same skills I had previously used for my clients for myself.

New negotiating scripts for a new purpose , but same basic skills and concept. Would that I had seen your video and read your blogpost during that time!

As an additional consideration: Perhaps there is a way to teach these skills and this sense of self-advocacy to those in elementary school. Maybe there is a place for your passionate conviction in a children’s book or educational game. The earlier these ideas become second nature in our lives, the sooner our country’s gender gap will close.

Thanks for an extremely informative post,
Denise

Thanks. I will never make this mistake again.

I understand exactly where you’re coming from – a lot of us ‘strong’ women talk a big game about knowing our worth, getting fancy degrees, working at fancy jobs, etc etc, but when confronted about our own actions to advocate for ourselves when it really counts, we sheepishly say “No, I didn’t know you could do that.”

When we’re talking white-collar jobs (ie, those kind of jobs that have the potential to confer significant decision-making power within an organization), negotiating salary, title, or responsibilities is uncomfortable idea for many otherwise ‘liberated’ /strong women. Yet, it’s all the more important. Over the course of an entire career, it can add up to millions of dollars that could go towards providing for a retirement, or leaving a legacy for your family.

Thanks for reading!

Susan

I found you through the videos you did with Ramit Sethi, and I’ve enjoyed reading the material you have here.

I consider myself a well-educated and ambitious young woman, and I definitely go to battle for colleagues, companies, friends, groups, and more. But it’s taking me a little more time and courage to realize that I can do the same for myself. Over the past few years, I’ve been exercising my take-care-of-me muscles in a number of ways, but it hadn’t occurred to me to negotiate salaries. I feel silly to admit that, had you asked me if I had negotiated my salary, I would’ve responded, “No, I didn’t know I could do that.”

I know I’d heard of the concept and that it always made sense, but I never really thought it would apply to my specific situations. Besides, wouldn’t it just make me seem demanding and like I was more trouble than I was worth?

Hoo-boy!

Your videos with Ramit and this post have really helped me to recognize that I do have those skills (“Hey! I’ve been doing that kind of stuff for other people all this time!”) and that I sure as hell can use them for myself.

Thanks for the great information, and thanks for taking on this commenter.

Cheryl

There are a lot of factors contributing to the gap– not just more frequent negotiation by men, and usually not because of overt wage discrimination. In this day and age, very few employers are out there saying, “Sit back down little lady! I’m going to pay you less because you’re a silly woman.” Instead, it comes in the form of different policies and practices toward men and women regarding parental leave, flex scheduling, and assertiveness on the job – among MANY other things. This is a pretty good article on it: http://clinton4.nara.gov/WH/EOP/CEA/html/gendergap.html#tren

Susan